COACH’S DILEMMA ….
The following article written by me was published over thirty years ago (1978) in the District 4 Spot (Philadelphia Area Bridge Publication) and is rather self-explanatory. As you read the early commentary, it will sound like an old Abbott and Costello routine — but I kid you not!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mark the hand records for a country club men’s team who must remain nameless. Late one night I started scanning the records and results preparatory to marking them the following day. On every hand record, I would come upon little messages from the bewildered captain:
Board 1: East and West were reversed. I think North-South are okay.
Board 2: South and East are reversed. I’m not so sure about the other two.
Board 3: I’m not so sure who had the spade ace. Could have been West.
Board 4: I think both sides were reversed, but I can’t remember for sure.
Board 5: Was played this way at our table. Can’t vouch for anyone else.
… and so on .. right on down to board 24.
In a confused, frustrated state, I composed the following poem at about 3 a.m. that morning.
East was East and West was West
When Rudyard Kipling was laid to rest
But times have changed — directions, too
Geography — has gone askew
For North and South should play as one
A standard bridge phenomenon
East and West should do the same
A basic premise — of this game
But something happened Wednesday eve
How or why — I can’t conceive
They switched from Bridge to Musical Chairs
And mixed and matched both seats and pairs
Marking boards is always fun
Especially when a team has won
But this experience was THE WORST
A losing match — with hands reversed
If all four pockets had been crossed
I would not be so fully lost
But you took South and made him East
Then the rest of you sat — where you pleased
The enigma began on the very first deal
Upset and frustration — I cannot conceal
But patience earned — its own reward
You finally had a “passed out board”
I know you yearn to strengthen your game
Outbid the opponents — and put them to shame
Stop in a partial — unblock — overtake
I’d love to help you — BUT GIVE ME A BREAK!
Find your seats at alternate tables
Carefully read your guide cards and labels
Do not revoke — or lead out of turn
And remember .. finesses .. sometimes you must spurn
Now here’s a request — you may think absurd
Record the hands — as they REALLY OCCURRED
Then I will know which cards went where
Come on, fellas … FAIR – IS – FAIR!!!!
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Great poem Judy. But we don’t expect less from you.
G
I love it, love it, love it. what else can I say….I am your biggest poetry fan….give us MORE!!!!
It is unbelievable that you had the presence of mind to record (and save) all these humorous incidents from your other life, and in poetic form, no less. Don’t stop now.
You’ve got a fan club.