Judy Kay-Wolff


The following article written by me was published over thirty years ago (1978) in the District 4 Spot (Philadelphia Area Bridge Publication) and is rather self-explanatory. As you read the early commentary, it will sound like an old Abbott and Costello routine — but I kid you not!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mark the hand records for a country club men’s team who must remain nameless. Late one night I started scanning the records and results preparatory to marking them the following day. On every hand record, I would come upon little messages from the bewildered captain:

Board 1: East and West were reversed. I think North-South are okay.

Board 2: South and East are reversed. I’m not so sure about the other two.

Board 3: I’m not so sure who had the spade ace. Could have been West.

Board 4: I think both sides were reversed, but I can’t remember for sure.

Board 5: Was played this way at our table. Can’t vouch for anyone else.

… and so on .. right on down to board 24.

In a confused, frustrated state, I composed the following poem at about 3 a.m. that morning.

East was East and West was West

When Rudyard Kipling was laid to rest

But times have changed — directions, too

Geography — has gone askew

For North and South should play as one

A standard bridge phenomenon

East and West should do the same

A basic premise — of this game

But something happened Wednesday eve

How or why — I can’t conceive

They switched from Bridge to Musical Chairs

And mixed and matched both seats and pairs

Marking boards is always fun

Especially when a team has won

But this experience was THE WORST

A losing match — with hands reversed

If all four pockets had been crossed

I would not be so fully lost

But you took South and made him East

Then the rest of you sat — where you pleased

The enigma began on the very first deal

Upset and frustration — I cannot conceal

But patience earned — its own reward

You finally had a “passed out board”

I know you yearn to strengthen your game

Outbid the opponents — and put them to shame

Stop in a partial — unblock — overtake

I’d love to help you — BUT GIVE ME A BREAK!

Find your seats at alternate tables

Carefully read your guide cards and labels

Do not revoke — or lead out of turn

And remember .. finesses .. sometimes you must spurn

Now here’s a request — you may think absurd

Record the hands — as they REALLY OCCURRED

Then I will know which cards went where

Come on, fellas … FAIR – IS – FAIR!!!!


GloriaFebruary 21st, 2009 at 5:29 am

Great poem Judy. But we don’t expect less from you.


RikitikiFebruary 21st, 2009 at 4:44 pm

I love it, love it, love it. what else can I say….I am your biggest poetry fan….give us MORE!!!!

KenFebruary 27th, 2009 at 7:36 pm

It is unbelievable that you had the presence of mind to record (and save) all these humorous incidents from your other life, and in poetic form, no less. Don’t stop now.

You’ve got a fan club.