Pilfering — With Permission!

Bridge Blogging comes in many sizes and shapes.   This site offers such a variety of topics, views, opinions, suggestions, questions, theories, mathematical approaches, accounts of sectionals, regionals, NABCs, etc. The diversity of subject matter never ceases to amaze me and I read as many as time allows.  I mostly resort to our main site as it is all-encompassing (including photos – which is not my best suit).  When I allude to “main site” – I point out those contributors whose names appear directly below the primary site to the far left.   If you check it out, you will also spot a list of others whose efforts are quite noteworthy, educational and informative and I highly recommend them if you are not already a fan.  However, one stands out like a sore thumb .. and that is Howard Bigot-Johnson’s Bizarre World of Bridge – and he proves it in spades .. although no one challenges how different we are from “normal folks.”  I take bridge very seriously (although sometimes my results don’t testify to that fact) and in today’s world and especially the state of our economy, many situations are in a downward spiral.   That is why it is always refreshing for me to take time out to relax while reading HBJ’s extremely clever and original presentations.   I have been following them for years and Bobby and I correspond with him often.  I usually think the last one I read was the best – but the ensuing one usually changes my mind.   He really should compile them in book form as all bridge lovers would appreciate his humor and plays on words.  (I am not HBJ’s agent – and some day I might wish I were). 

I wanted to share with you one of his latest contributions which I thought was so clever and on point. No doubt after reading it, you will trace back to previous postings  – so here goes!

THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY REVISITED…….

( This highly competitive and addictive game has often caused quiet mild mannered people to turn into dangerous psychopaths , as evidenced by the following bridge terms which all relate to those who have turned their thoughts towards revenge, violence and murder . )

Bad break : the injury caused to a player’s arm or leg bone by an irate partner wielding a hammer
Progressive squeeze : Once an inept partner has been grabbed by the throat , it is the process by which one strangles the life out of him
Shooting : a popular pastime with members with a score to settle
Lead : the type of pellets most players like to have inside their shotgun cartridges , so as minmise the risk of missing their intended targets
Duck : an perfect target for a shotgun owner, especially when found in a sitting position 
Nasty split : what can happen to a player’s skull when an irate partner buries a machete into it
Axe : a heavy, more effective alternative to the much lighter machete
Cut : the smallest of injuries one can suffer at the hands of a knife-wielding partner
Clubs : useful objects to carry on your person , ideally suited for knocking some sense into bonehead partners
Spades : handy implements to have around to help dispose of any lifeless bodies
Uppercut : the penetration of skin about the shoulders, neck or head
2 club opener : a quick softening up process before the real beating takes place
Small slam : what one should do to close a door in order to cause a substantial injury to partner,  who is known to be following close behind
Grand slam : the maximum force used to close a door in partner’s face ,  as a way of showing just how pissed off you really are with his naff bids and inept play